When I came up from swimming, Paul was crying. At first I
thought perhaps someone had died. But after many years of being with Paul, I
can quickly tell tears of relief from tears of sorrow. The Supreme Court’s
opinion on gay marriage isn’t permission to marry. We don’t need that. It is
removing an object in the road towards equality. We have not reached the beach
yet (my promised land), but we are further down the highway. I am concerned
that it wasn’t unanimous, but it is going to take some years to rid ourselves
of the dinosaurs and their bones. The whole thing rested on one conservative
straight white male Republican evolving. Maybe that is more important than we
realize. If he can change, maybe the country can change? Demographics are on
the side of justice and progress, but maybe, just maybe, the culture is too.
Like many gay people, I have reservations about the
institution of marriage and its history of oppressing women. I have
reservations about how the state and the church get tangled up in a declaration
of love. But what I don’t have reservations about is choice. The choice to get
married as a symbol of love or to not get married and share a different symbol.
The choice to belong to a faith community or not, or to create your own. One of
the many hypocrisies of the Republican right wing (is the phrase “Republican
right wing” now entirely redundant?) is their claim to want government not to
be involved in our lives, and then they find all kinds of ways to be sure
government not only dominates our private lives but also gives handouts to
corporations (where their donor friends have interests). I say, let’s put on
our Robin Hood costumes and take from the rich and give to the poor (and the
ever poorer middle class). It’s based on the same core idea (which, surprise!
Jesus shared): love is more important than money. So, the next step from love
being legal should be, well, love being shared.
On the one hand, I hope gay marriage helps to radicalize the
flabby lazy middle and get them to see things differently. On another hand (so
many hands!), I hope it moves gay people towards self-love. It sure helps to
have some self-love on the way to sharing love. That’s really love winning. And
eventually, that will lead to changing our values away from acquiring wealth
and more towards love. Harry Hay used to say that to be queer was to be
radical. This Supreme Court decision doesn’t make me much more comfortable, it
makes me more radical. Remember, Anthony Kennedy voted for Citizens United,
which is eroding our democracy. Use love for radical change, I think that’s what
Dr. King would do.
